The following comes from a journal entry I wrote last week. I'm excited and ready for this step God's placed in front of me. But I wanted to share this snapshot of reality to encourage, inform, or however God wants to use it.
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It's a silly thing, but can be like a mountain.
I'd known I was afraid for this next step, but could figure out why. A conversation with a good friend this weekend helped me figure it out, by reiterating what others have said before, but this was the time I would HEAR it.
-->Going on staff is a big deal...it is a change and commitment greater than a 5-month school.
And me, I love stability. But I yearn for novelty and die a little inside without it. What I'm going to could be both, but I don't know. And I have to trust. Trust that God has shown me this is where I need to grow and give next. Obey.
Have faith. Because I'm scared. I'm scared that I won't 'find my heart' here; scared to leave my friends and family; scared I won't be to them what they need; scared to love and be loved by new friends, and grow in true community; scared I won't do all God will call me to.
So there it is. I am human. You knew it, I knew it, but I couldn't put my finger on it. And boy am I glad God uses broken things. I'm glad He honors a broken spirit and contrite heart (Ps 34:18; Ps 51:17). I'm glad He knows the plans He has for me (Jer 29:11). And I'm glad He loves me with an everlasting love, I'm still learning to let that be "enough" and not worry about how my heart will be fulfilled.
Thinking of you Amy and excited to see how your life develops in this next step!! I remember you posting about some training you had done where you had to jump into a creek or something as a symbol of taking a leap. You can make this leap!!
ReplyDeleteAMEN! Can I just copy and paste this for my next blog post!! lol :-) You are such an amazing and encourage friend! Go and be bold for God!!
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